on the verge.

i'm on the verge, on doing many things. be it break down, give up or losing hope in you. i feel like a failure, in all ways. i failed to change you, i failed to make you realise, i failed to hold on to a friend, i failed to help you and i failed to control myself. like i've said, i'm on my verge. or prolly, i'm starting to give up. do you know how much i want to tell you that i still believe in you, i still love you, i still want to help you, i still want to befriend you and i realised something today, in that split second. i've lost you. you're not mine anymore, you're nothing like before and you're someone else, i know that. no matter how reluctant i am currently. i just want to speak up, face the reality and tell myself this. i hate to have a friend like you. i hate being your friend. i hate being fooled and played around by you. i hate the way you manipulate me. i hate the lies that you always say. i hate the way how you used to attract attention. i seriously hate the way you say about my other friends. i don't know why but no matter how hard i rack my brains for words to describe you, there's only one word available. hate. i tried so many ways to try to change you, to make you believe, make myself believe and to love you but to no avail. i think i tried my very best. well, i prolly didn't tried hard enough to change you. in any case, i'd admit that i gave up on you. i've been tolerating your attitude, ypur temper and your everything. but you still chose to continue lying and manipulate me. i've had enough, really. i do have limits, please don't take advantage of me just because i don't comment what you've done. i chose to give you chances one after another and the cycle goes on. but you always fail to realise there's someone like me with you. you let this friendship go. or maybe it's me. because i really can't just tolerate all this bullshit, i'm a human. i've my limits, my moods and stuff. how many more fucking times must i give in to you. how many more fucking hopes i should put on you. how much bullshit do i have to expect from you. the important thing comes, when will you stop lying, stop manipulating my life and our friendship. oh, i forgot, we don't have any bonds, ain't related and all. bye, ex-friend.