i think about you all the time.

i think about you all the time.

day 1.

i miss you like shit already. starting from the second when the contact i've been staring @ for the past 2hours which i expected a reply from. i hate your personal message, it is like shit. i knew i was going to suffer through the long holy damn 3-4days when you'll be gone. i mentioned i knew i was going to suffer right? never did i expect i was already suffering, was mood-less. decided to sleep early to drown my sorrows whatever. tossed and turned in bed for a good fucking 2hours 36minutes before i could really sleep. was thinking about you like mad. even sleeping was in half-asleep-while-thinking-of-steven-mode. this sucks, alot. one good thing? I dreamt about you for the first time, IT WAS SWEET LEI. right, woke up with major headache. probably steven overloaded? practically rotted my day away, as though i'm lifeless without you. i cannot believe that i described my feelings with a whole chunk of mushy words, and all you gave me was a cold reply, "lol."? everything narrows down, you just don't trust me. i'm sad, devastated, whatever shit that you could use to describe me. i was totally in a bad state that night, kk?

day 2.

想你好象变成了一个习惯. i thought through alot, haven't i been contributing enough? i play the games you play because i want to spend more time with you. i cut off contacts with those opposite sex that i'm close with just cause i was afraid that you might misunderstand us. i tried everything within my means to make you feel secure, or maybe i didn't try hard enough so you still don't trust me. i spent my day away as lifeless as i could. i don't feel like blogging how fuck i lived my day away without you, one thing for sure. i miss you like fuck. i received a text from shaoye, forwarded from you. i read the text a million times till i could recite it backwards. wait, maybe the text was from shaoye. he was afraid i'd be too depressed to live on with life, so he sent that shitty sms to make me happy. neh, i didn't reply. i didn't know what to reply, there's nothing left to say. yeah, probably its this way. or maybe, just maybe. i don't want my heart to suffer the blow over again. don't hurt me with your words and your cold shoulders just because you know i'll still be there for you.

whatever it is, i cut off contacts with shaoye. i seriously did, i called him, apologised and said i don't want to talk to him anymore. i could do anything, for you. cos its all you that matters. i think i'm seriously sick. love sick. z. knock me to senses, i don't want to be so crazy over a guy.

what's even worse is that we don't even remember why we're fighting. so both of us are mad for nothing, fighting for nothing, crying for nothing. When we won't let it go for nothing, come back for nothing, it should be nothing to a love like what we got. I know sometimes it's gonna rain, but baby can we make up now? cause' I can't sleep through the pain. I don't want to go to bed, mad at you and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me. it gets me upset when you're constantly accusing, asking questions like you already know. hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing. this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, what happened to working it out? We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down, so what the hell do we do now?

I WANT TO PATCH BACK WITH YOU. :( i don't want to quarrel already....it's killing me inside, really.

Eh, xw here. I wanna say smth to bren. I'm sorry for ytd, pretty tired ytd. Are you still sad or angry? I miss you alot....

祥伟, 我想你想到生病了...... D: 痛的不只是你一个.

Brenda blogged @ 2.26am. :(